Am I Not Good Enough?
by Angel Venus
Summary: PG13 For hints of sex. Just a little add in for episode 195 after Seiya's question on the rooftop. edited new thingy added! Sorry, not a new chapter though


Okay, most of this opening can be found at the end of episode 194 and the beginning of 195. I have added my own parts to it so it would be a good idea to read it. I have changed some of the events. Not very much, but they have been added to or molded to fit the story. But I am in no way claiming any of the actual events are mine, only those events not found in the actual series. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailormoon. Not that I want to own her...... Just Seiya and maybe Helios. But that's not going to happen is is ;)

"Am I not good enough?"

Those words rang in her head gaining in intensity and then slowly dying off to but a small whisper. Of course he was good enough. He was always good enough. In fact, she thought, he was basically perfect. The only question was, was she? 

Was she good enough for him? Was the crybaby, klutz queen Usagi good enough for him? No. She never would be. She didn't even know how or why she deserved Mamoru, let alone how she would ever deserve to be with Seiya.

_'You are too good Seiya. Too good.'_

"Am I not good enough?" That question again. What was she supposed to say? Nothing. Instead she broke out into a fresh round of body racking sobs. No longer were they caused by Mamoru's unresponsiveness but a simple question that filled her heart with tremendous joy and sorrow.

Slowly she brought her eyes up to meet his. Midnight blue clashed with cerulean for what seemed like an eternity, until suddenly their private world was shattered by the breaking of the rain. Usagi looked up into Rei's face to see a mixture of emotions. Grief, pity, anger and many others flashed over her face finally coming to rest on a look of great sorrow.

"Usagi." She felt his hands fall from her shoulders retracting the heat he gave her, surrendering her to the cold of her rain soaked uniform.

"Rei-chan." The others gathered around her, gently pulling her to her feet. Slowly they began leading her away towards the door leading back into the school. She was only able to catch a glance of Seiya, drenched head to toe, still kneeling on the cement of the roof watching their departing forms.

_'Seiya. Gomen.'_

***

Wrapped in a towel, she stepped out of the bathroom brushing her hair as she made her way to her dresser. Setting her brush down she picked up a picture of her and Mamoru. How happy they looked together! _'But what happened to that? What's happened to us?'_ A single tear trailed down her cheek, dropping onto the glass protecting the photograph. 'Mamo-chan. Why me? Why did you love me?' Gently she placed the picture back down and picked up her brush once again, returning to the bathroom. 

Walking back into her room again, now clad in her nightclothes, she was surprised to find Rei sitting on her bed, her eyes showing the same emotion they had settled on ealier that day. 

"What are you going to do? If you don't decide, we can't fight. Seiya will get hurt too."

Usagi walked back over and picked up the picture once again. "I wonder what he's doing right now? Is he sick? Does he have many friends?" 

"Usagi! What are you talking about! Aren't you communicating with him?" Usagi shook her head. "Why?"

"I haven't gotten any replies." 

"Since when?"

"Since the beginning."

"Why didn't you say anything!"

_'Why didn't I say anything? Do I really care that much about not getting a few replies?'_ She looked down at the picture once again, then back up at Rei. _'No. I don't care as much as I should. Seiya has been there to take my mind off of it for the most part.'_

Suddenly the radio clicked on. Both women turned to the intrusion to see Chibi-Chibi playing with the dials.

"Chibi-Chibi. Not now."

_"And the hit band_ Three Lights_ has announced that they are making this next concert their last....."_ The announcers voice broke through the silence as all three occupants of the room looked at the radio with shock.

_'Seiya'_

Rei watched Usagi's reaction with mixed emotions. "Usagi." Thinking this her que to leave she gave her friend a quick hug and left the room quickly, leaving Usagi to her thoughts.

Usagi snapped out of her stupper as Chibi-Chibi yawned, signaling that is was much to far past her bed time. Scooping the child up into her arms she silently got the small wonder ready for bed. Returning to her room she was not surprised to find the angel asleep on her shoulder, a few golden strands of hair clutched in her tiny fist. 

"Who are you little one?" She whispered as she lay down in bed cuddling the child close to her.

Though the soothing sounds of the sleeping girl beside her usually helped her drift of to sleep, tonight she lay awake thinking of the past days events. _'Seiya. Why do you make me feel this way? Do I love you? Can I love you if I already love Mamoru? I can't but.... You're leaving so soon. You have your princess back. Now you can finally rebuild your planet.'_ She shivered as a cool breeze blew through her open window. Getting up she moved to close it but paused, looking up to the glittering world above. _'Seiya. I don't want you to go, stay here with me. Onegai. I don't think I'd be able to live without knowing I could see you again. Onegai.'_ She fell to her knees, silent sobs shaking her body. 

After a few minutes she stood up, one thought engraved in her mind. Quickly and silently she went about her room, first tucking the covers around Chibi-Chibi's sleeping form then to her closet where she proceeded to change into a simple pair of pants and a long sleeved top. Moving to her balcony she then called upon her transformation, and moved off into the night.

An hour later found Usagi balancing on the small window ledge outside of a darkened room. Peering inside she could see no sign of life within the room. Suddenly a light flickered to life, forcing her to quickly move out of sight, inching closer to the last bit of spare room on the ledge. Catching a quick peek into the room she saw a tall brown haired figure moving about the room, picking up a book from a desk by the wall and then settling down onto the bed. Seeing that she had the wrong room she decided to take her search further from the edge of the wall to the next window in. Gathering her strength she lept off from her standing point to the next available ledge.

---

Inside the room Taiki looked up as a shadow passed over his room. Studying the now dissapated image he could make out a pair of wings and what looked like strands of ribbon trailing behind. Anger passed through his mind soon replaced by a growing warmth in his heart. _'So Sailormoon makes house calls now?'_ A smile crossed over his concentrated expression as he turned of the light, deciding to lose himself to the silence of sleep now.

---

This room was dark as well, but instead of finding the room empty she could make out the faint form of someone under the covers. Slowly and carefully she pried the window open silently and slipped through, closing it behind her. Making her way over to the bed she noted the dark haired figure resting peacefully, relived she had gotten the right room.

She de-transformed without a word, moving to kneel at his side. _'Seiya'_ She reached up to brush her hand fingers softly over his cheek before moving a few stray hairs behind his ear. _'Gomen Seiya. I shouldn't be here, but I had to see you, if only without your knowing.'_

He stirred slightly as her fingers trailed down his jawline, yet did not wake. "Aishiteru." Her soft breath caressed his skin and rustled his slightly unkempt hair. His mind began to shake off the numbing effect of sleep while noting to keep his eyes closed to see what became of this.

"Seiya. Why do I have to be so torn? How can I love both you and Mamoru so equally? Why does love have to be so confusing?" A single tear trailed down her cheek and she closed her eyes to stop the onslaught of others. She gasped as a gentle hand wiped away the lone tear.

"Usa. Don't cry. Onegai. Aishiteru, I don't want to see you like this."

"Seiya. Gomen, I shouldn't be here. I'll leave now." She stood up to go but was held back as a hand wrapped around her wrist.

"No, stay with me. Please? I just want to... to talk with you."

"But I don't belong here."

"You do. You will always belong here. Always be welcomed here."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

"But I don't deserve that love."

"And why do you belive that?"

"Because you are to good for me. I can not see how you could ever come to love me. You deserve so much better."

"But I do love you. And it is not I who am to good. It is you. How could the Princess of the Moon ever believe that a lowly senshi could be to good for her?"

"I may be the Princess of the Moon but I am also the senshi of it too. Remember that."

"Then as two senshi we are equals?"

"We are."

They sat in the silence of each others comfort for a while longer. "Seiya?"

"Hai?"

She looked up into his face from her spot on the floor beneth his bed. Turning to face him she lifted herself up on her knees and placed a gentle, hesitant kiss on his lips. Pulling back with fear that she had overstepped their boundries she was suddenly met with a passionate return. As they broke apart she sat and began to gather her breath, she whispered into his ear, "Let me be yours for tonight." She could feel him start and she closed her eyes in anticipation of his answer when she felt his soft lips trace a line of butterfly kisses down her jaw, to her neck and then onto her shoulder. His path began to tread lower still, stopping at the collar of her shirt. He looked up at her before proceeding any further, watching for her okay on his explorations. She met his eyes and nodded stifly, trying to calm her racing heart. Reaching down he effortlessly lifted her off the floor and placed her on his bed, sending a brief smile of love in her direction before continuing on where he left off. 

***

The bright rays of the sun drifted lazily into the room reflecting off the golden strands of the goddess in his arms. He had to blink a few times to actually convince himself she was there and that the previous night had not been a dream. He placed a light kiss on her forehead, so as to not wake her, then carefully slipped out of the bed and threw on a robe, making sure to close the door behind him.

He walked into the kitchen hoping no one was in there. His fears came true when he saw the tail of brown hair from behind the morning newspaper.

"'Morning Seiya."

"Morning." he continued on his path to the fridge, stopping along the way to grab a serving tray and some dishes. Reaching the fridge he began to pull out the makings for a simple breakfast for two and placed it on the tray.

"Enough breakfast for two Seiya? If I weren't mistaken I would think you were taking on some of that Usagi's characteristics." He watched his friend stiffin at the mention of the girl. He decided he liked this game and decided to continue with it. He was about to say something when a familar voice drifted in from the hallway in a whisper just loud enough to hear.

"Seiya?" She walked around the corner to see Seiya whip around from where he stood hunched over, his eyes going wide at the sight before him. Taiki politely averted his eyes as she stood in the doorway, her face turning a deep scarlet. He had to force himself to not glance at the beautiful figure before him clad only in a buttondown shirt, the top three left undone. "Oh." Quickly glancing down she beat a hasty retreat back into the safe confines of the room in which she had come from.

Taiki turned to Seiya and just smiled knowingly, a sad glint in his eyes as the full realization of the previous night took form. "It was her first wasn't it?"

Seiya looked down, fiddling with his fingers nervously and he answered. "Hai."

"Do not fear my friend. Your secret is safe with me. I know she came to you last night. You were careful? And you were gentle, you did not force her to do this?"

"Never!"

"Good. Now you'd best get back to her. I'm thinking she might be a tad embarassed."

Seiya looked back up a half smile playing on his features. "Arigatou Taiki-san" He departed the kitchen, the tray of food forgotten.

He arrived back in the room to find Usagi gathering her clothes together. "And where do you think you are going?"

"I think I've overstayed my welcome. I've already shown myself to one of your room mates."

He quickly came to her and enveloped her in a comforting hug. "No worries there. He saw you come by last night."

"Oh." She stood for a moment before dropping the shirt and returning to her own clothes. "I still have to go before my mother comes up to find me gone. If I'm up this early she'll begin to worry." A musical trill of laughter escaped her lips before she turned back towards him. "Arigatou Sei-chan. I love you and I always will love you, remember that." Turning the air around her rippled and then solidified leaving Sailormoon standing in front of the window. "Good luck in the concert tonight. I'll see you there?"

"Hai."

She slid open the window, pausing to run back to place one last kiss on his lips before leaping out of the window leaving one word on the wind. 

"Aishiteru."


End file.
